Gawd dayum life getting in the way of blogging! I’m sure most of you have already figured out what’s happened and what not, and I don’t have much interesting to say, since I didn’t see the matches, but here’s a quick wrap up of the finals today.

Petkovic captured her first career WTA title in Bad Gastein, and was awarded the Holy Flower Vase trophy, one that looks like it’ll make a run in the top 10 trophy awards at the end of the year. I mean what more could you want? Your beautiful “first title” trophy can help you give birth to gorgeous flowers. Or other substances to be enjoyed in the Ginormous Pink Bong. Just sayin’.

We all know how much Dina loves finals (of all the one’s you had to win, it HAD to be against Caro, of course) and she didn’t disappoint, going mega headcasey on the tourney that she only should have won, but HAD to win. The draw was a walk in the park, and it didn’t hurt that a majority of the top 10 seeds were took out in early rounds. Well, Dina needed 3 sets, not to mention 75 in the third set, but hell, a win is a win. The trophy was one of those lame glass shapes with the tourney name painted on. Yeah, not fun OR practical. Slovenia fail.

WTF, Q-Man? Captain Querrey couldn’t get shit done today against Ginepri, who claimed his third career title. And hey, he’s still an American, so the tourney organizers have to be happy about that, even though there was about a 50% chance an American was gonna win. Too bad for the Q, he really has trouble getting deeper in slams and stepping up and claiming tourneys where he could really do well, especially with the two seeds about him (Boresunov and The Dude) going out in earlier rounds.

Not gonna lie, Tree is enjoyable to watch, and has fucking skills. Is serve comes flying in at a flat 11 feet off the ground, and arguably may be more detectable than Ivo’s, but fuck sakes. Try catching up with a ball at 130mph coming in from 5 feet above your head. Yeah right. Dude got er dunn against fellow American Odesnik in three long sets, with one of the most ridonkulous match points Ive ever seen, dinging a return off the net cord to win. He looked pretty guilty right after, for winning off something that ridiculous. Don’t worry dude, its Sven, not you, dude fucks with stuff like that in his sleep.

So your semis are Fancy Dancy/Q-Man and Ginepri/Tree. Epic.

In Hamburg, Koyla and Ferru had pretty regular wins and will face each other, PHM beat Troicki, and Cuevas dinged out Almagro, and they’ll play each other tomorrow in the other semis.

Bad Gastein continues to be incredibly “Bad”ass, Trumpet won, Petkovic knocked out ALG and Shvedova continue to roll in straights, and those are your semifinalists.

Your final scores for Slovenia are 63 60, 63 62, 61 61, 61 61, to Dina, Britanti, Voegele, and Errani. Sorry, I missed the point where this was relevant. Honestly, look at those scores, fuck sakes.

NOW YOU KNOW

Fancy Dancy exacted his revenge upon Boresunov, from the loss in Eastbourne, 36, 76(5), 62. FUCKIN’ EH. What’s even greater is that I CALLED IT Y’ALL.

…Unfortunately, Fancy Dancy, who is up a set and apparently a game away from moving on, is likely face Mr. Top Seed. And then exact his revenge from Eastbourne. Its gonna happen, y’all. You can do anything you put your mind to, kids, never forget that.

I TOLD YOU. Set goals, believe in your dreams kids! Like Kevin Garnett/Adidas, anything is possible/impossible is nothing!

Lamest post title ever? You got it. You know this post is Q bound now though!

Q-Man just wrapped up his revenge upon Rajeev “Battering” Ram, 75 63, and continues to roll. The Dude (the second seed) dropped to qualifier Bogomolov (I seriously can’t make up names these ridiculous/epic), and fourth seed Igor K dropped rather not-so-surprisingly, to American Odesnik.

This means that an inevitable battle of epic proportions is likely to take place between third seed, The Q-Man, and top seed Dimi Boresunov. Unfortunately, Fancy Dancy, who is up a set and apparently a game away from moving on, is likely face Mr. Top Seed. And then exact his revenge from Eastbourne. Its gonna happen, y’all. You can do anything you put your mind to, kids, never forget that.

I had hamburgers for dinner! They were delicious. And juicy. Speaking of Hamburg(ers) and juicy, Pico played Ferru today! Big fan of both though I obviously love the Pico a bit more, and he sadly lost in three sets (don’t you just hate the unrelenting “ah crap, he’s screwed” feeling after losing the second set?) but he’s been playing with some serious purpose of late, and its great to see Ferru back, despite his dorktastic hat. You are forgiven. This time.

In other news, German fave Kohlswhatever, and Sodomy both lost. Koyla knocked out Chardonnay (apparently a third round match against the dude who has been in the top 10 longer than time is your reward for winning your first ATP tourney), and Troicki and Hanescu moved on.

Oh, and while I’m on the topic of Sodomy and lose, WHAT is this?

Maybe I’m just jealous because I could see myself doing something this ridiculous with guitar in hand, but seriously. Spartacus? Russel Crowe? David and Goliath? I know you dethroned the King of Clay there for a minute, but you couldn’t knock out the Captain D-Bag in the final, so what is it REALLY worth? Ridiculous Roman armour with racket in hand, apparently.

At least I think that’s what she was saying here. Dina continued demolishing/feeding on lower ranked players, like she does, on qualifier Pervak (unfortunate name) 61 62. The other three matches contained the 4th, 5th, and 7th seeds, and they ALL lost. (Vinci, Safarova, and Dushbag who got bagelled in the third set). So the yellow brick road to the trophy just got golden. Seriously, this is a bit silly. But I guess its Slovenia, and she loves them and they love her, and its a warm up, so meh, I’m not complaining.

Nothing much exciting in Evil Gastein, only four matches, Shvedova demolished Shahar 62 61, and has only lost 4 games in her first two matches there. Hot damn. Rybawhatever, ALG and stereotypical-name-wildcard-German Meusburger also won.

As for the men, Indy is presumably getting rained upon, so whatever to you fellas. Hamburg saw a more regular day, Ferru, Koyla, Chardonnay and Sodomy all moved on, and Pico! Who breadsticked poor Chucho, who then retired at 1-1 in the second set. Hopefully he’s doing fine. Pico plays Ferru next, sometime around 3 or so local time, on the second court. Of course I work all effin’ day, so I’ll miss it, but ah well. Order of play for tomorrow is here, on the right, if you’re curious, some pretty interesting matches tomorrow.

So wtf? No Hamburg pics anywhere? At least not on the sites I normally go, OR the official site, and I’m too damn lazy to look anywhere else. Fail.

Gilly lost in three today, everyone is still baffled as to why he decided to play in Hamburg on the clay, instead of defending his title in Indy on the hard courts, and getting a head start to the long gruelling season. Maybe because he knows the hard court season is long, and would get a bigger rest losing early on the clay. Or that its a 500, and Indy is a 250. But I’m sure he would have gained more points from going deep in Indy than losing in the second round of Hamburg. Whatever dude, rest up.

In other Hamburg news, Boredo, Stan the Man, and the Melz all lost. So basically all these dudes were REALLY bored or just don’t really care right now. Either way I don’t get it. Just gaining points for the argument that clay tourneys post-Wimbley are a bit silly.

But in REAL news, Pico won! Knocking out the Youz-man in straights.

Nothing too nuts in Indy, Boresunov lost the second set and then served it out with a bagel, and Dudi “The Dude” Sela took out resident local captain d-bag Spadea. Too many mochizzles there dude. Or whatever you called them.

Not to sound like a sexist pig, but holy, women tourneys are a total snorefest, especially without Dina having played. CSN dropped out of Gastein, Shahar and Trumpet both won, though it took Alize three long sets.

Slovenia, AMG lost, the second seed, pretty well creating a golden road to the trophy for Dina at this point, and the Dushbag won too, knocking out Garbin.

Nothing too exciting today on the women’s side, Dina’s clothing was probably the biggest story FFS. As noted, she owned it up on the court. CSN lost in Gastein, and Kanepi lost in Portoroz, 1 and 2, to
Govortsova, whoever that is. I think that’s Sven taking his revenge on her for losing in the first round after I picked her in the French Open suicide pool. That or she’s been sucking lately.

Nothing too nuts for the men. Hamburg was a lot of qualifiers playing, Tipsy lost, but there weren’t any big names in play really.

Indy could actually shape out to be interesting, with some solid hard court players, and a pretty fair field overall. Fancy Dancy won too! CANADA, FUCK YEAH. Americans Sammy Q and Tree (AKA Isner, cause he has the reach of a fuckin tree) both owned it up, as did Odesniek, tagging out poor Ole Baggy. Ernie lost to Gicquel too, which is, ya know, not surprising. Might end up paying more attention to this tourney than I expected.